How to be mistaken for a homosexual
by honestyinlies
Summary: Kuroko likes messing with people — so when he trips over a sleeping beast, his boys love novel falling right onto said beast, Kuroko couldn't help but decide to play a little game. Kagami/Kuroko, AU.
1. Where's Kuroko?

Title: **How to get mistaken for being homosexual**

Genre: Romance, Comedy, High school, Drama

Rating: Rated R, for Unrated. Or Um, Just lots of sex in the future (maybe)

Warnings: Swearing, sex, gay-bashing, guy/guy, uh yeah.

Anything else you should know? The pairing is Kagami/Kuroko.

If you know, haven't figured that out.

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**How to Get Mistaken for Being Homosexual**

Kagami/Kuroko

_Class One_: **Where's Kuroko?**

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"Alright class, let's get started." The female teacher brought her dainty hand upwards, placing her fingers inwards to make her hand into a fist before coughed awkwardly into her hand, she let her thin arms fall to her sides, smoothing out her dress shirt and dark as night pencil skirt.

"Roll call, um, Mai Kanda?" She said softly, eyes lifting upwards to gaze at her class — the black haired female raised her hand timidly, the teacher paid no heed, instead choosing to focus on the one thing she hates most at the beginning of the semester; the odd male in her class. Running a culinary arts class has its advantages when you're a man hater —a lesbian too boot—, rarely any males ever join your class, well, usually the scary bad-ass ones don't.

This year she was proven unlucky though.

"Um, Kagami Taiga." She whispered — hoping the male would suddenly realize that's not his name and wondrously one of her female students would admit to being male but dressing up as a female —just up Mrs. Danlies ally of women— and the hulk of a male sitting in the middle of her classroom would just go _poof_.

"Here" He said inattentively, propping his feet onto the desk in front of him — the teacher flinched, mourning the lost of her fantasies, she had already envisioned the well endowed chest of her cross dressing partner too be.

She almost, _almost; —because gracious starting out lesbian teachers don't sulk—_ sulked as she looked at the next name, the kanji signaling that this person, as well, is male.

"K-Kuroko Tetsuya...?" She muttered out nervously, great she thought scathingly, _another_ (most likely) _scary ass male._ She peered around the classroom with nervous eyes, her brows furrowing when 'scary-ass-male' didn't answer to her roll call, she gulped, what if the guy is bad-ass enough to just sit and glare at her till she realizes like an idiot an goes; 'Oh! K-kuroko-kun?' Now, she can't have that, she'd lose all respect from her seemingly attractive 17 year old _female_ students.

but then — Usually even the baddest of bad boys aren't cocky enough to pull off that stunt on the first day of school, Kagami is a prime example of that. "Kuroko-kun?" She said a bit louder this time, looking around the class for another male, maybe —she hopes from the bottom of her very large chest— that the guy just happens to be a very quiet girly looking one.

"Does anyone know where Kuro-"

"I'm right here." A voice said flatly, she blinked a few times, looking blankly at the bright blue strands and matching pair of pale sky blue eyes. "Kuroko-kun?" she asked dumbly, obviously confused on why her student needed to stand_ right_ in front of her breathing space. Taking a discreet step back she muttered to the new-found boy; "Did you just get in?"

"No, I was here early by 10 minutes." She blinked a few times — her brows tilting inwards in confusion, again — that plain boring monotone voice, Kuroko gave a slight bow before moving towards the desk, back to an empty desk in the corner with a black bag on it, the kid wasn't lying. She blinked a few times before shaking off the eerie feeling and beginning her class.

"Now today we'll do something simple, chocolate chip cookies, who knows how to make those?" Dear god she hoped so, or else this semester would be a long one.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Great so everyone start makin-"

"Teacher," the plain voice said again, _Kuroko_ she said just as plainly back in her head. Her eyes turned to look at the boy standing in her bubble, _again_. She mentally skewered him for being so close to her, he could go join mechanics or something!

"Yes?" She said dully —not letting her death wishes for the poor boy show—, slowly putting down her hand and letting out a breath.

"I can't make chocolate chip cookies, I didn't raise my hand." Kuroko said just as simply and Mrs. Danlies wondered briefly if the kid had any other tones of voice either then this damn monotonous voice, she grit her teeth and shook her head, waving the blue-coloured boy off.

"Its fine, you guys are going in partners." She desperately tried not to hiss out 'guys', cause really — she hates all males, Kuroko apparently didn't realize —and if he did, he didn't show it— and nodded before sauntering back to his desk. "Everyone!" She boomed, interrupting the mindless babble of the girls in her class. She had to keep herself from sighing dreamily at their cute little voices, glad the barbaric one in the center of her class kept quiet.

"I will pick your partners, since we only have two males, they will go with each other, okay Kagami-kun and Kuroko-kun?"

She looked over to the corner of the classroom where her silent monotone student should be — she blinked a few times, honestly she felt glad the kid left so quickly but before she could stop the flow of words she muttered to herself in disbelief; "Where could he have gone so quickly?" — not that she particularly cares.

"I'm still here." He stated off-handily before sitting himself beside the giant red-head in the middle of her classroom, she frowned narrowing her eyes, before furrowing her brows.

"Right" The teacher mumbled before making the rest of the pairs.

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"I'm Kuroko Tetsuya." The blue haired boy said with his —usual?— monotone voice as he placed his bag onto the steel table in front of him and his new partner, Taiga. The boy doesn't really like to talk, especially not to hulks like the red-head beside him, but he is a gentleman, and gentleman introduce themselves —and proceed the rest of the semester ignoring so called partner—.

"Kagami." The other replied with obvious boredom lacing his tone as the giant male wiggled his toes inside his shoes; Kuroko would've seemed frightened if he showed any emotion. His partner isn't just huge by height and build, his face just has a scary twinge to it as well.

Kagami is one of those guys you see on the world wrestling TV show Kuroko's father seems so fond of watching all day — hulking muscles that scream for attention and ripple with each movement, eyes that are just naturally made into slits to glare at everyone —Kuroko was thankful Kagami had chosen too keep his gross red eyes away from him— and sure Kagami is handsome, Kuroko has enough tact to bitterly admit defeat in the look department when it comes around honking.

But— He isn't so fond of spiky crimson locks that just scream to be dyed to a more normal colour, not that his hair is any more normal. Though, he doesn't do his own hair.

"Nice too meet you Kagami-kun, I hope we can get along well." Kuroko spoke out, almost forgetting that line with his distracting thoughts about the others looks.

Kagami snorted — either it was agreement or disagreement, Kuroko didn't know. He didn't really feel like asking, either. With a long discreet sigh he pointed to Kagami's right, before blinking once. As stated earlier; if Kuroko can help it, he'll avoid speaking.

The red-head furrowed his brows following the finger to where the ingredients laid, before looking back to his partner. "Can't you get them?" Kagami would've added a rude snort after his sentence, but instead a yawn stifled from his lips — alerting him that sleep is needed, he obviously shouldn't have spent all night playing that video game.

"I'd have to lean over you." Kuroko stated with obvious tone of 'I will not being doing that unless it cannot be helped.' Maybe, with Kuroko's monotonous voice, you can never just assume things. Kagami rolled his eyes, before closing them completely and yawning out his next words;

"Do it yourself."

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Now, Kagami isn't a so called 'genius' or even at the level average intelligence, but he has faith in his cooking skills.

And he has faith in others cooking skills, like how hard can it be to measure a cup of flour and pour a bit of chocolate chips? There's not much too it but that, really. So when he opened his eyes after a much needed nap, his senses finally coming back to life, the first thing he realized was that there's flour on his face, second thing being,

The chocolate chip cookies were moving.

Well, at least he hopes those are the suppose to be cookies. The gracious black and brown blobs could be misleading.

The third thing he realized, everyone (all the girls, even the teacher, was the teacher squishing one of the students boobs?) were screaming on the top of their lungs. He turned his head slightly to look at the impassive partner of his, who was obviously frowning, a slight down dip of the boys lips, his brows furrowed as if glaring at something, Kagami followed the boys vision.

Yup, the cookies were moving.

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko stated blandly shocking the male completely awake. "It seems my cooking skills have gotten worse, maybe I shouldn't have taken lessons from Riko-chan." The red-head almost retorted with a 'well, no duh Sherlock, the cookies are fucking moving!' but decided on doing something else first;

With a large swoop of his hand he bunched up the cookies into his fist crumbling them into bits before chucking the remainders at Kuroko's pale face. Serves the kid right for waking him up with stupid moving cookies — how does a person even get cookies to move? He'd have to learn this odd skill form this Riko girl later, that or let it go.

With a loud sigh —maybe a dash of yawn?— Kagami grumbled out a small "Moron." Before leaving Kuroko to the clean up, he has a nap too finish.

.

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./.

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"Your cookies started moving?" Riko — more known as the demon coach Riko Aida, screeched out in delight her hands flailing around over top her head as she imagined the sole thought of cookies being able to move on their own, Junpei Hyuuga, merely frowned beside her.

"I take it you started taking lessons from her." The black haired male said with a sigh evident in his voice as he raised his hand to point an offending thumb at the cheering starry-eyed girl.

"She's better at cooking than me." Kuroko stated dully in return, "which is why I'm taking culinary arts in school."

Hyuuga shivered, reaching up to push his glasses back onto his nose before groaning out a small almost inaudible sound of, "that's a scary thought." Aida merely elbowed him swiftly, the motion almost unseeable to the human eye.

"I'm a wonderful cook!" She boosted, before lowering her gaze to give Kuroko a sympathetic pat on the back, "well kid its okay, everyone is bad at something."

"I'm bad at two things." He droned out as if making the girl realize he isn't as good at something he wish he could be, but it doesn't matter, he hates that damned sport.

"Oh yeah, you're terrible at anything in basketball but passing."

"Yeah" he said annoyed —probably— one can never be too sure with Kuroko. He stood up with one fluid motion, dusting off the front of his pants, black ugly and old looking things, before smoothing out his shirt, flipping open his book and saluting his friends before making way.

He hates basketball, ever since his "generation of miracles" team in middle school full of middle schoolers playing sports in a way only full fledged pros can — he loved it at first, his teammates loved it, heck even the losing teams loved it at the beginning of the realm. But as one practices, skills develop, and so do attitudes to suit the skills. His basketball team then became a team, no, a 6-man squad of just that, them.

He's hated the sport ever since.

With a lazy sigh he tried so desperately hard to block the depressing thoughts from his head, trying to just enjoy the book he had picked up from the library. Actually he found it a bit embarrassing to read such a explicit novel — especially when the two main characters are both male, and kissing.

What had possessed him to read a sexual book about two men — he doesn't know, but the story line was proving to be decent, no need to bash a book because of the writers preferences in sexuality, or fantasies. He has a tingling feeling the author is a woman, usually woman love to write about such things.

He wanted to place the book back into his bag to hide it away —the small nagging thought at the back of his head reminding him no one sees him anyways— he decided against hiding the book, instead shoving his nose more into the pages — taking in the smell, the scrawl of the black inked words, white papers, obviously unread. He inhaled, keeping down the growing blush on his cheeks as he began to read a very sexual section of the book,

He exhaled —

"What the fuck?"

— he blinked.

Slowly he brought his book down from his face, quickly attempting to hide it, his actions stopped when the person he had, —is his foot on that guys face? Odd, he thought, Don't I know him?— grabbed his arms, dragging Kuroko forward so he stumbled forward a bit, his feet going onto both sides of the victims head as he leaned down, the book falling from his frail pale fingers and onto the chest below him.

"Fucking— Hey wait," the red-headed male blinked, eyes narrowing more, something I didn't think was possible. Kuroko droned sarcastically in his mind, before tilting his head, amusing the buffoon he had stepped on, he needed to get that embarrassing book back— quickly! "Aren't you that Kororo dude from culinary arts?"

He didn't bother to correct his name, merely nodding before looking down at his book — eye brows scrunching in concentration.

Now, only if he had mind-powers.

Sadly, he isn't intelligent enough for that.

"Oh, what's this?" Kagami asked dumbly as if the male had never seen a book, actually, Kuroko tilted his thought amused with his own idea of 'he probably hasn't even read one' before quickly whispering out a small,

"My book, I'd like it back." He tried desperately to keep his normal façade of monotone — but panic was rising in his chest, almost about to bubble over, just his luck to be noticed on one of the days he decides to read a sexual BL novel.

"Is it good?" Kagami asked, about to flip open the brown hard-covered book, Kuroko's blue eyes widened,

"No."

The red-head furrowed his brows, "if it isn't good, why would you be reading it so intensely that you stepped on my face, or did you step on me on purpose?" Kagami didn't sound delighted with that idea, and Kuroko didn't feel like having his face bashed in any time soon... But that damn book...

"I did." He decided to play on, almost sighing in relief when Kagami hadn't opened the book yet, choosing to glare at Kuroko like the blue-haired boy is a bother to even be existing — really, the book is what shouldn't be existing in your hand, this very moment. He wanted to drone out, but decided to play nice. As nice as he can play, at least. "No, I was putting the book away and wasn't looking ahead and I tripped, on your face." Its such a shame too, I stepped on such a nice face. He wanted to add, but saying homosexual sounding things while being caught reading a BL novel, not smart.

"Thanks, well as a apology let me read this book, ne?" — Kuroko wanted to hit his head into a wall, and he stopped to think, if Kagami became disgusted with him, he'd leaved him alone —or pick on him, but a bit of bullying doesn't hurt his feelings— and he wouldn't have to speak more then 0 words daily in culinary arts.

"Okay" he gave in, trying to keep in a smirk threatening to spill on his perfected monotone mask — Kagami smiled brightly.

Kuroko would've felt bad for sending the guy to his homosexual-induced-doom, but, Kagami had managed to make him speak at least three sentences today. Too much for his opinion, or likings. With a curt dip-bow of his head he went on his marry little way towards his next class.

His steps were considerably lighter that day —

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./.

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Now, Kuroko doesn't really believe in religions or gods, or anything in that matter. —Except that if you eat the insane amount of sugar that Murisakibara consumes, you will, no matter, will lose your perfect shiny-white row of teeth—

But just maybe, just maybe. Karma has decided to present themselves after 16 long boring years of not doing said action.

It had taken him a minute of blinking and memory searching too remember who the hell this gapping red-head was, and why he was looking at him with blush stained cheeks, red eyes wide as the man held a towel over his lower regions.

Right, Kuroko drawled in his own thoughts, the guy I harassed with a BL novel. Karma, obviously doesn't like straight guys reading BL novels —then is this his punishment as well?— He didn't bother to greet the gapping male, or say anything, in fact. He just continued placing his things in his usual locker and begun to undress himself, glad that Kagami at least had the decency to look away, blushing maybe, but still, he looked away.

"Kurokocchi!" A blonde boomed, quickly tackling the small blue-haired boy and hugging him tightly.

"Kise-kun, please remove yourself from me." He stated dully in return, this won't do well in attempt to fix my gay image later. That is, if he can fix it.

"Waaah! You're so mean Kurokocchi, even though we're dating."

_No fixing this mess now._

Kuroko sighed.


	2. Disgusted?

Title: **How to get mistaken for being homosexual**

Genre: Romance, Comedy, High school, Drama

Rating: Rated R, for Unrated. Or Um, Just lots of sex in the future (maybe)

Warnings: Swearing, sex, gay-bashing, guy/guy, uh yeah.

Thank you for the reviews & favs! :')

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**How to Get Mistaken for Being Homosexual**

Kagami/Kuroko

**Class Two:** _Disgusted?_**  
**

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Kuroko grew up learning very few things from his idiotic wrestling obsessed father, one: Wrestling, no valid argument allowed, is the best sport in history. Hands down. (Kuroko being a very dumb child, had rebutted with a small roll of his eyes and a whisper of; "Basketball is _much_ better") his father had not only been heart-broken when Kuroko didn't grow up big like his father, but tiny and decided to play the sport his father hated most; _Basketball._

Two: Not matter what you say with your tacky little monotonous voice— _twinkies_, will take over the world. (Kuroko had chosen not to comment on such a retarded thing, merely staring blankly back at his father.)

And three: Homosexuality is okay, if you aren't homo yourself, okay? At least follow this one rule Kuro-chan! (Kuroko wasn't sure how he'd end up straight if his dad gave him such an absurd nickname.) The blue-haired boy had been tired, and his 8 year old mind could only take so much of his dads retarded babble, so with sleep hazed eyes at 3am, Kuroko had agreed.

'_Whatever_.' He had said, his dad had cheered for getting through to his kid, as if.

Kuroko isn't disgusted with homosexuality, or lesbians, or bi's or any of that shit, contrary, he just doesn't give a fuck — really. So when a newbie training to be on the basketball team,

avoided him in every possible way believing that he's gay because he was reading a BL novel, Kuroko couldn't help but laugh.

Hyuuga was considerably scared.

Kuroko, just _doesn't_ laugh. Kuroko laughing means very, _very_ bad things for the poor sucker involved.

_I have a story to tell dad tonight_, he thought with amusement as he pulled on his basketball jersey and sauntered over to Riko and Hyuuga's side, letting his amused eyes pier at Kagami for good luck. _Maybe I could shut up dad with the same trick._

"Alright boys!" Aida boomed, her hands on her hips as the whistle against her flat chest gleamed evilly —_or it did in Kuroko's mind, at least_— Kuroko looked over at her, wondering if he had to take off his shirt as well, before just deciding to use his invisibility to his likings. _Actually_, he wondered looking at Kagami's bare muscled chest, _I could work with this—where's that idiot Kise_?

Kuroko knows Kise, he _knows_ with his average-intelligence of evil that Kise likes him, and he _knows_ it's bad to mess with feelings, but dammit— he's bored!

He sighed, _it's kise's fault anyways_, he reassured himself.

Kise had declared because his prestigious school starts tomorrow, he would —_bother_— _accompany_ Tetsuya. Kuroko suddenly thankful to the idiots idiocy looked around the gym for his old teammate, smirking when his target came into sight, herds of fans girls with him, but still in sight.

He waved over the blonde — hoping this wouldn't back fire.

Kise, gladly skipped over, a smile stretched on his perfect model face.

"Kurokocchi is calling me over! What is it? Ill help you!" Kise bounced, stopping right in front of the blue-haired boy, Kuroko blinked a few times before tilting his head back to gaze up at the model batting his big sky-blue eyes before tugging at the bottom of his shirt.

"I can't get it off, help me." Kise blinked a few times — honestly confused with the request, before shrugging it off, it's not often Kuroko asks him for help, or lets him touch him willingly.

Kuroko raised his arms over his head, looking like a child ready to be unclothed before bed time, Kise chuckled softly before grabbing the end of the shirt and pulling it off swiftly — well, he tried, two hands placed onto his shoulder jerked him from his motion though, stopping the shirt just over Kuroko's tiny perky pink nubs, unconsciously he licked his gracious model plump lips. _Damn_, he thought glancing over Kuroko's pale chest, delicious.

_ just what is Kuroko playing at?_

Oh— only if he knew.

"K-Kise," Tetsuya whimpered out, _whimpered!_ Kise's eyes widened — trying to hide an involuntary shiver along his spine. "Is there something on my neck?"

Kise gulped, shaking his head. Kuroko with a seductive voice doesn't bid well with him... Or his pants.

"It burns..." Kuroko said softly, too softly, before sliding his hands down Kise's chest, fingers brushing over his nipples before looking up from under his blue bangs, eyes seductive and gleaming. "Can you lick it?"

"_L-Lick_?" Kise choked out, "lick what?"

Kuroko licked his lips in answer, Kise almost dived in — if it wasn't for the awkward cough beside him signaling him back to reality, he looked over — a tall red-headed freshmen with stained pink cheeks pointed awkwardly towards Riko, Kise almost growled at the kid, almost.

_Can't he see Kuroko is busy here?_

Oh yes, Tagami can see it — it's not like he had asked to be chosen by Aida to go 'fetch' Kuroko from his gayness with Kise, the whole basketball team had choked, except Hyuuga whom seemed honestly curious.

With much reluctance —which no man should've shown from molesting another man— Kise moved away from Kuroko, looking over the slightly still blushing blue-haired boy, he leaned forward his blonde locks softly tickling the side of Kuroko's face, breathing breathlessly into the ear of the smaller male.

"Later."

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"Alright maggots!" Riko boomed her short brown locks bobbing with the action as she pulled her arm from resting on her hip to allowing her to point sharply at a freshman hoping to join her team.

The freshman gulped, leaning back as if hoping to avoid her predatory eyes. Kuroko pitied the guy, there's not escaping Aida.

"Today," she said simply as looked over her new recruits, "you guys will go against the second years."

"What?" Majority of the boys whined loudly in protest, beginning to whisper to themselves as the second years stepped forward, Kuroko sighed. He hates hard work.

"Aida—"

"_No_." She said sternly pushing past the blue-haired boy, looking at him from the corner of her eye and began to smirk, "you were disregarding me and acting all homo with Kise— you _will_ be punished."

He frowned.

"But I'm doing something entertai—"

"_Homo."_ She stated dully, her eyes glinting in an evil manor that had the teen taking a step back. "Or else, your plan will be ripped too shreds by _me_." _  
_

He sighed rolling his pretty coloured eyes before dragging his feet back towards the direction of first years who seemed to inch away from him as far as possible, he shrugged. Less socializing for him. Yep-eee.

With as much excitement as he could muster (which isn't very much) he grabbed a ball, tossing it over to Hyuuga before dropping down a bit, bending his knees.

"Basketball," he wondered, his fathers words echoing in his head, "I wonder why I hate it so much— now."

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"Kise." He said simply scaring the male enough to jump 3 feet into the air —quite literally, too.—

"K-kurokocchi!"

"Will you date me?"

"_Ha_?" Kise asked — blinking a few times too make sure he wasn't in one of his dreams he's had one-too many times. The blue haired boy just stared back at him blankly (not the lovely lust filled expression and rosy cheeks later) no matter how many times Kise pinched his right thigh.

"Are you high?" He asked carefully, first the almost make-out session, and now his 3 years long crush is asking him out, something must be wrong with today; something in the water, maybe?

"No, why?" Kuroko asked his brows furrowing at the blonde's conclusion of the situation.

Kise just shrugged before looking around the area for any camera men, or something where they'd pop out and go "surprise, this really isn't the best fucking day of your life, sorry!" But there wasn't. Kuroko had brought them to a secluded place, behind the building where they place all the equipment for clubs and P.E, Kise knew he should've ran away on impulse earlier.

"Just..." Kise paused re-considering his words, "you're asking _me_ out, you've rejected me, how many times?"

"Are you saying no?" The teen seemed honestly baffled— Kise shook his head frantically,

"No! Just..."

"Um..." An awkward voice coughed from the other side, cheeks flushed and eyes down-casted, the spiky red bits of hair managing to hide most of his tomato red face.

Kise groaned. _Stupid fucking guy_. He wanted to scream at the interruption, but kept his lips sealed as he watched Kuroko from the corner of his eyes.

_Kagami_, Kuroko thought with no-tone to his inner voice, he is _very_ excited though, his plan turned out better than expected.

"What?" The model practically snapped, wanting to hit his head against the red bricks laying in wait for his pretty model forehead. Kagami shifted awkwardly on his large feet, looking anywhere _but_ them, before shifting the objects in his arms, obviously wondering if he should just run, cause the look Kise is giving him made him reconsider his decision to break the confession moment of the homo's...

"I'm lost." He exposed with quick spoken words, nervousness showing in his voice. Kuroko stepped forward, away from Kise (much too Kise's dismay) and grabbed two of the basketballs in Kagami's arms, before stepping back and leading the gigantic male towards the storage room.

With a look over his shoulder —

"Never mind." Kuroko said, looking down and stomping away, a about-too-have-a-nervous-breakdown-from-homophobe-ness Kagami following after. The red-head still seemed pretty torn and conflicted over the close call too touching Kuroko earlier.

"I-Isn't that a bit um, harsh?" Kagami finally said, internally hating himself for starting conversation with the gay guy in front of him. But it _had_ been harsh, and even though Kise was about to make-out with his culinary arts partner — Kagami is a man of justice, and justice needs him (no matter if justice may be gay or not), he will solve it.

"Probably." Kuroko said simply before shrugging it off and pointing to the looked storage room, handing over the balls — making sure too brush over the sweaty skin of Kagami, the male flinched, _physically_.

"Are you homophobic?" The boy seemed honestly intrigued, "my dad is too, I just pretend I'm homo to spite him."

"Too _spite_ him?" Kagami wondered — a tone of disapproval in his voice, Kuroko shrugged.

"I like messing with _stupid_ people, you included, sorry."

The red-head's temple twitched, annoyed.

"Me? _Included_?" He growled throwing the door open and chucking the basketballs into the nearest empty basket before turning on his heel and jabbing his thumb into the squishy chest of the other, "listen here you little fake-homo," he hissed breath barely above a whisper, "I am not a play-thing to—"

His words were cut off by a soft pair of lips pressed against his, his eyes widened, time stopped.

The lips left, blue eyes boring into his with shining curiosity — "are you disgusted?"

Before Kagami could stopped his words _or his damn traitorous hand!_ His palm was pressed against the pale cheek off his attacker, leaning forward to breathe against the others intoxicating lips — "_no". _

He pressed for another kiss, to say he didn't enjoy it would be a complete lie, actually, he liked it _too_ much, regardless, Kuroko was the one pushed away in the end, followed by the actions of Kagami running and screaming for dear life as if Kuroko had placed a gun to his temple or something, the teen sighed.

"How bothersome."

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"Kuroko, Kuro-chan? Kuro-chaaan!" A _grown_ man whined beside the stoic teen, flailing his jangly arms and jumping circles around the dazed blue-haired boy: his son. "_Please_ pay attention to daddy, please?" He whined stopping in front of his son's face to be face-to-face with the boy, Kuroko didn't even blink in acknowledgement.

"What's wrong honey?" A soothing (yet monotone) voice asked from the kitchen, sending the brunette's gaze onto his blue-haired wife, he smiled radiantly.

"Kuro-chan seems to be bothered, by something."

Said subject smirked — obviously waking from his day-dream, blue hues locked onto his fathers matching pair. "Dad" he said joyfully, _too_ happily, his father frowned taking a step back from the boy.

"Can you listen to my problems?"

_Do I want too?_ His dad thought with grief, watching in horror as his son's smile merely _stretched_.

Kuroko doesn't smile it's like — a _law_.

"Let's talk rhetorically," Kuroko said simply, crossing his dainty smooth arms over each other, crossing his ankles just slightly, "let's say someone is pretending to be something they aren't really just to spite someone, but then suddenly this person likes the person they were messing with... Well not _really_, just they kinda messed up their plans, and their amusement is gone... How do you lie to get them to be scared of you again?"

His dad tilted his head, eyes blinking with idiocy, Kuroko's mother from the kitchen called out:

"Make a knew plan, a smarter one, correct yourself."

The teen hummed at his mothers words, grumbling something along the lines of, "I don't think Kagami-kun is _that_ stupid mother."

"What is this plan?" His dad asked ears perking up too 'Kagami-kun', Kuroko blinked once — then twice, before shrugging.

"I was reading a BL novel and accidentally tripped on some huge red-headed guy named Kagami-kun and he wanted to read the book, so I decided I'd mess with him for awhile, so currently I'm making out with some guy that likes me to mess with his homophobic little head, but sadly I accidentally spilled that I like messing with stupid people and I asked Kagami if he was homophobic, and kissed him."

His dad screeched, "K-Kiss? Wait a moment how many guys have you been kissing?" His words went through deaf ears, continuing, looking towards his dad with his normal blank face,

"But then Kagami grabbed my face and forced me to kiss him again, but then he pushed me away screaming like a girl and ran away."

"Like a girl?" His mom seemed amused, his father's face paling.

"Like a girl." Kuroko confirmed.

"Kuro-chan you promised to never be gay! _Why, _you're even making out with g-guys!"

Kuroko and his wife slowly turned to face the man, faces impassive as they said at the same time, in the same tone,

"Because its fun."

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. / .

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"I feel stupid." He stated dully as he pushed away the darker males hand from his face, Momoi beside the boy laughed evilly, pulling out another piece of '_equipment_', Kuroko pouted.

"You asked her to help you, what else did you expect?" Aomine said blandly as he slumped back into the plastic chair, picking up a magazine from the coffee table, Momoi scowled shooting her childhood friend a dirty look.

"I _am_ helping him," she grunted sliding something across Kuroko's thin lips, before plopping a wig onto the boys head, "he said he wanted me to help him scare someone, that's what I'm doing."

"But he actually _looks_ like a girl, a cute fucking one too." Aomine dead-panned, eyeing Kuroko warily as if mentally reminding himself that Kuroko is a _he_. But damn this _he_ is a good piece of meat, his male sides could only take so much.

"Thanks" Kuroko drawled, unamused with Aomine before standing up and swatting away the girls hands, she pouted.

"No more?" She questioned, capping the thing and placing it in her bag, Kuroko nodded.

"So what are you going to do, anyways?" Aomine asked flipping through the magazine's contents as he looked from the corner of his eye to see Kuroko tapping his fingers against something in a drumming sound, a _happy_sound. Aomine laughed internally,_ poor sucker_.

He knows when Kuroko is formulating a plan. The blue-haired teen looked up before grumbling;

"Something entertaining."

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Thanks for all the love! ;/; 3


	3. We Can Fuck?

Title: **How to get mistaken for being homosexual**

Genre: Romance, Comedy, High school, Drama

Rating: Rated R, for Unrated. Or Um, Just lots of sex in the future (maybe)

Warnings: Swearing, sex, gay-bashing, guy/guy, uh yeah.

Thank you for the reviews & favs! :')

anata wa doushite ikiteiru no? Why do you live?

* * *

**How to Get Mistaken for Being Homosexual**

Kagami/Kuroko

**Class Three:** We Can Fuck?**  
**

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Mrs. Danlies blinked a few times her constricted breast seemingly popping out like her pretty brown eyes were — she tilted her head, soft short brown locks falling to the side.

"Um... Kuroko-kun?" She asked awkwardly, the tallest person in her class (the rough looking red-headed boy) moved to the very corner of the desk when she said the name, the furtherest he could get away from the uh... Boy? She snorted, she should have known Kuroko would end up being a female (a very pretty one, too.) A woman's intuition is never wrong.

"Here." He... (She?) Said in the same monotonous voice, that sounded much more manly than womanly, but who is she too judge? She's only teaching so she can find herself a nice young girl.

Even though that's technically against the law.

"I see..." She mumbled shrugging off the disturbing feeling that something is _incredibly _wrong, and continuing her cooking class. "Now kids, today we'll start making a cake and the icing and stuff tomorrow, okay?" All the heads in her class bobbed up in down, the two males instead choose to stare blankly at their unknown lesbian teacher.

"Instructions are on your desk, begin! And Kagami you _must_, _must_" she empathized, "help Kuroko-kun today."

The red-head gave a doomed expression to his teacher before slowly turning his head to the side to look at his very _pretty_ male partner. Or so he thinks. At the moment, Kuroko's gender can be very questionable.

There sat a boy dressed as a girl, the lip-gloss making the thin lips so pouty and kissable it's almost _sinful_, the short spiky blue locks that usually sat on the monotonous boys head constricted and a long sky-blue locks from the wig placed on the petite head, and honestly, the mascara made Kuroko's already long eye lashes seem like long fluttering wings, not only that, but it also brings out the beautiful blue eyes, but to Kagami it only made him doubt the males gender even more.

He slowly moved back towards the area he should be sitting (instead of the corner of the desk he had chosen to occupy instead of facing the male he had forcibly kissed yesterday.)

A look of paled repulsion over took Kagami's features.

He could've simply blamed the whole ordeal on the gender-confused teen beside him if it had _only_ been Kuroko that had kissed him, but it wasn't. He had kissed the blue haired boy _back_, Kagami had even shamefully _enjoyed_ the kiss. Even if it had been a quick lip-bump, it was still enough to send sparks to his very core.

"Is this a cup of sugar?" The even voice of his culinary arts partner (and back of the storage room kissing partner) broke him from his trance, a large _whole_ bag of sugar being held in front of Kagami's face.

The red-head quickly snatched the bag, then a measuring cup from Kuroko's side of the desk and poured the sugar to exactly one cup, handing the cup to the teen. "_This _is a cup. Are you stupid?"

"Well," the small boy said taking the cup and pouring it without mercy into a large plastic bright lime green bowl, "I could be, and therefore you just insulted me, what if I had brain damage that made me stupid? Isn't that a bit cruel, _Kagami_-kun."

The homophobic teen merely shrunk — the way his name was said wasn't under any circumstance; a good thing.

"Whatever" he grumbled crossing his large muscular arms and closing his eyes while leaning back into his chair.

"I don't think this is enough sugar for a cake though..." He heard the monotonous boy mumble, ignoring the dressed as a girl boy he continued to try and will his thoughts away from Kuroko, to his dreams.

He heard a big _plump_ of a large loud heavy item being dropped into the bowl, the red-heads eyes shot open quickly turning to look at the mixing bowl. He stared obtusely at the whole bag of sugar placed in the bowl, _the bag included_.

_Kuroko_— he decided in his thoughts, _is awfully bad at cooking._

_._

_._

_._

_. / ._

_._

_._

_._

After his 6 near death experiences class finally ended, letting Kagami bolt from his class room to his next one (away from Kuroko), Kuroko left alone to clean up the well baked cake (after Kuroko's 6 not-very-helpful help attempts, Kagami had begun to make the cake himself). With small bitter stomps with his 3 inch high light baby blue heels, Kuroko finally managed to clean around their area.

_I am a bit peeved_, the teen decided when he opened the doors to get out of his classroom — his teachers eyes following him out of the room, his plan on making Kagami uncomfortable and second doubt his sexuality only went so far.

His plan had failed in a way (he did make Kagami doubt himself though; hell— he's making every walking breathing male doubt themselves) He felt peeved for having to dress like a seductive whore for nothing.

Cause Kagami hadn't tackled him demanding more kisses!

_Rats_, he thought annoyed.

Well, he hadn't _really_ dressed like a whore. He merely had short black shorts with heels and a fluffy chest-covering (because he lacks boobs) shirt, coloured in the matching colour of his shoes. The student council had come to give him hell, claiming that even though he's cross-dressing he _must_ wear a uniform, Kuroko had rebutted claiming he doesn't have one.

The student council president had handed him one, the boy cursed his luck.

Puffing out his cheeks thinking, Kuroko wandered into the males bathroom (everyone currently in there fleeing within a seconds time) as he undressed from his whore outfit and placed himself in the girls school outfit, keeping the black shorts underneath, though.

His next class world history was uneventful, no one really realized his existence in that class, the most he had been realized was by Shinji and Hyuuga who had walked by him when he had wandered out of the classroom to go for a pee, they had merely given him strange looks and whispered very _non-quietly_ too themselves "is that Kuroko?" "that looks like Kuroko!"

Kuroko didn't really blame his seniors, he'd be very confused too.

At lunch — Kuroko had found Momoi and Aomine near a shop near his school, he had sat and discussed with them his battle plans for Kagami — Aomine seemed _perturbed_ while Momoi had squealed going on about Junjou Romantica and boys love, wonderful.

"So... Really you're trying to destroy—I mean _mess_ with this dude by um, being homo?" Aomine asked awkwardly, placing a hand over Momoi's mouth and shushing her with a hiss of his tongue.

"Pretty much." Was his even answer, Aomine rolled his eyes.

_Leave it to Kuroko to act as something completely insane as normal._

Kuroko raised patting and smoothing out his mandatory skirt before giving a cute girly wave, "bye bye Aomine-kun." The teen said in his usual dead tone, Aomine stared blankly — tempted to hit his friend.

The only sound heard was the click-clack coming from the blue heels of his friend since middle school, Kuroko's lips curved upwards. It's rare he smiles, but messing with Kagami is... Is _very_ entertaining.

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"Line up maggo_—what the fuck_" Riko breathed her evil-gleaming whistle falling from her parted pale plump pink lips, her brown eyes scrunched up to narrow at the figure at the entrance, she knows that face, those lifeless blue-sky eyes but—

She _doesn't_ know the black mini skirt and high heels accompanied by a frilly blue tank top, as she gapped the whole team turned to look at what she had her eyes on, some understood (mostly second years and a very uncomfortable Kagami) and some just believed a pretty blue-haired girl was visiting them from the heavens.

"_Kuroko-kun_?" She asked with disbelief, the girl at the entrance tilted her head — eyes gleaming with amusement and the males in the gym paled. Riko coughed into her hand, smoothing out her outfit and holding herself more proudly before placing her hands on her hips, glaring at the cross dresser. "Go get changed, you can't play basketball in _that_" she waved off-handily to his persona, "hurry up too, before Kise sees you in that bloody outfit."

"Actually, I'd like too watch the practice today."

"Zip it _princess_ and get playing!"

Kuroko frowned, pushing a piece of lose blue wig hair behind his pale little ear.

"I don't want to play today Aida-san, I want too—"

"_Princess_" She drawled, approaching with long intimidating steps, the males (that aren't dressed as females) all moved to a corner, knowing a pissed off Aida isn't a good one. Kuroko though, seemed unaffected by her advances.

"Unless you want me to _strip_ you right here, get changing!"

There was a silence before—

"Okay," Kuroko said lifting his arms to the side, "strip me."

Her pretty brown eyes blinked a few million times, taking in the words (and the sight before her) before she blushed, tightening her hold on her silver whistle, she wanted to growl, snarl and go on about how she'll _rip his fucking head off in his sleep!_ But she didn't, pride is important too her.

And giving into Kuroko's messed up games isn't very prideful.

"Fine" Aida said, eyes gleaming she turned to look at her basketball members, slowly she lifted her finger to point at one member—

If Kuroko can play mind games, so can she.

"Kagami-kun, come strip Kuroko-kun."

The red-heads eyes widened (much to big for his face) and his body seemed to tense incredibly. Riko moved her hand to the side to point to the change rooms, "yup, this is your punishment for self-playing yesterday, now go strip off this _princess_ in the change room. Okay, _princess_?"

The blue haired boys eyes were calculating, lips in a thin lip before the wigged head bobbed up and down. "Alright, let's go Kagami-kun" he began walking forward, stiff legs following behind the uncovered legs of the male wearing a skirt.

They entered the change room in silence, horrified, Kagami watched the person he'd have to strip sit down comfortably on the bench, lifting up one leg to put it in Kagami's reach.

"Beige leggings." He said simply rubbing the back of his hand against his lip-glossed lips, the red-head gulped lowering his eyes gaze to reach up and under the skirt, his face flushing far too much —his hair and face-colour matched; pretty yet petty— his large padded finger tips ghosting over the pale thigh skin of the monotonous boy, quickly he grabbed the leggings top and pulled it down, down to the pale slender ankles.

Now— another one to go.

He licked his chapped lips, looking up from under his bangs, Kuroko looking off to the side, long eye lashes batting innocently at the white dirty tiles of the change room.

"Do I really have to do this?" Kagami finally breathed, gasping for breath not even realizing he hadn't taken one since being told he'd have to _strip_ Kuroko and his cross dressing out-fit away. _  
_

He can shamefully admit, he had much more dirty images going through his mind when he was forced into the position of what he is doing now.

Slowly the boy-girl's head turned to look at the person undressing him, eyes calm, face blank, the only sign of life was the pink tinge from the blush of make-up on the boy's face.

"Yeah" Kuroko said simply lifting his other leg and placing the one Kagami had just done down, "stop being embarrassed and we can go play basketball, _Kagami_-kun."

_This guy,_ Kagami breathed in from his nose lowering his head again and sliding his fingers up along the smooth thighs of Kuroko, _is really sinful_.

The teen jerked from the sudden _brave_ touch along his leg, eyes locked onto Kagami for sign of what the fuck he is doing, Kagami smirked.

"If you can be mean, so can I." The red-head stated dully, growing a very stern spine and pealing the beige legging from the pale thin skin of Kuroko, no hesitation longer present. The blue haired cross dresser narrowed his pretty blue eyes, cracking his petite toes and leaning back.

"Is that mean we will fuck?" He asked in his usual dead-tone stopping Kagami dead in his tracks, the teen clicked his tongue shaking his head, "wrong set of words, _can_ we fuck?"

Kagami gapped — openly, quickly pushing the boy away from him, standing up (face more flushed than when you sit in class learning about the inside of a vagina)

"NO" he screeched voice much higher, Kuroko smirked, amused.

_This is much better,_ he thought happily, kicking his feet, _a Kagami wrapped around my finger is — much,_ much_, better._

The bravery Kagami had just showed his puppet master was disturbing, it showed the red-head would only put up with so much, and Kuroko would not like that.

The victim turned to stomp out of the change room, the stockingless cross-dresser whistled,

"Aren't you suppose to undress me?"

"Do it yourself!" He boomed before marching out of the room.

Kuroko sighed, looking down at himself.

"How sad, it _would_ have been nice to get a good fuck, it would've made my day brighter."

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"You're cruel and sadistic" he read out in droned voice, he blinked once, than twice and nodded at the computer screen. "I am" he confirmed, scrolling down, his father behind him frowned — the mother continued with the folding of the laundry.

"Kuro-chan, what _are_ you doing?" The man refused to acknowledge the questionnaires title; 'Do you top or bottom?'

In high school all guys know what that means, uke and seme, it's common sense for when you are bullying vice being bullied. Heavens forbid why his son would _willingly_ take a test to see if he gets it up the ass or not, is beyond him.

"I am seeing if I am uke or seme."

"Uke" the mother chimed, placing her sons underwear on the right cushion, the child pouted.

"Just cause Kagami-kun is taller than me, does _not_ make him the seme!" He whined in protest, the father wobbled towards his chair sitting in the living room, falling into it without much effort.

"Invite him over some time dear, I want to mess with him too."

"You _cannot_ be lesbian!" The father whined in protest in the background, the woman snorted pushing a lock of brown hair behind her ear.

"I won't be a lesbian, I'll be _bisexual_." She smiled innocently (well as much as a stoned-faced person could) before going back to her chores, her son tsk'ed and continued with his online test.

"Do you like to take control of a situation, or do you like when someone does something unexpected?" Kuroko read aloud, his father groaned turning onto his stomach to stare blankly at the screen.

"You need better friends." The man concluded, jetting out his bottom lip and sulking.

"I agree" Kuroko said deadly.

"Honey, don't criticize your friends."

"I bet you dear it's that Aobide guy that turned my son gay!"

"Why is that dad? And it's 'Aomine', duh." He dead panned, turning his chair to look at his parents.

"Hottest friend." Mother confirmed, Kuroko nodded turning back to the computer.

"Oh" he said suddenly hitting his mouse against the desk, "it says I am an uke, won't Kagami be delighted."

"YOU PLAN ON HAVING SEX WITH HIM?" His dad screeched shooting up and diving for his son. Kuroko easily dodged (having much practice with Kise).

"Yeah" was the dead-toned answer, the father sobbed, falling onto his knees, looking up to the sky.

"Why... Where did I go wrong?"

There was a long re-lapse of what _indeed_ he did wrong while raising Kuroko.

A very, _very_ long list.

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Author Note: I hope you enjoooyed, i got so much love for this story i decided to update it first ~ Please tell me if you spot any mistakes, I'm bad at correcting so yeah xd


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